Second Proposal

Saturday night, after THE best night of dancing with my closest friends and feeling so incredibly happy… Davide managed to make it even better by proposing again. Making it pretty much the best night ever.

This time it was just me and him in bed. He kept looking in my eyes, kissing me all over, carassing my face.

He told me how much he truly loved me and cherished me. That he couldn’t imagine his life without me. He described how when I walked onto the ferry boat that day, it was like his world shifted and was suddenly in color.

We kissed and he held my face between his hands and asked me if I would marry him and spend the rest of our lives together. I cried. He kissed the tears.

I said Yes.

He put the ring back on my finger and we made love again and again.

There was no Disneyworld fireworks like the first time… this time it was just Us, in our rawest form. Which in my opinion made it even more special than the first time he proposed. 

When I said yes before, I loved him but I also felt caught up in the whirlwind of it all. Now… I know in my heart that I can be with this man for the rest of my life and that’s going to start really really soon.

I just trust us. 

Soon… really soon

To him, us getting married is inevitable. He feels there is no point in waiting and he wants to elope right away. 

He’s said he knew on our first date that he wanted to marry me. That he had never met anyone like me. I changed everything for him and he just wants our life together to start now.

When he says stuff like that… he makes my heart beat out of my chest.

The reservations I had about us before, just don’t exist anymore. He really understands me and where I’m coming from. I was nervous he’d never accept my sexuality, but after several very deep conversations I feel so loved and accepted for who I am. He on the other hand, now understands how my mind works and no longer feels jealous of things he did in the past.

My ex was also a reservation I had before. Mostly because we were together for a decade. I see everything that happened recently between him and I, as a game to him. At the end of the day… I wanted him to be happy and he is very happy without me in his life. I wish I wasnt so completely out of his life… because just like I wrote about in my last post he is a very special human to me, but that’s life. Davide makes me happy, and he is someone who actually truly loves me and will never give up on me. So now my ex doesn’t factor into my feelings anymore. I feel no reservations there.

Also immigration is a small factor. We’ve discussed that we don’t want it to be the thing that causes us to jump in. At the end of the day, it’s not. It just means our relationship requires more paperwork.

The reasons why it feels right….

For me it’s the little things. Waking up to him kissing my face and body every morning. How it feels like my body was made to fit perfectly into his. How sitting in his lap feels like the safest place on the earth. Our long evening walks where I tell him everything that’s on my mind and he looks at me like I’m his whole world. I love his mind and how we can talk all day long and still not get enough. How we approach everything like a team. The way we workout, get sweaty together, and challenge each other. The way he looks me up and down and moans in appreciation, telling me how unfair it is how beautiful I am. How is with my friends, family, and even Cliff. The way we ravish each other all night, how he can be so rough and so gentle at the same time and I can never seem to get enough.

Those moments… I don’t want them to ever end. Why wouldn’t I spend the rest of my life with this incredible man?

We decided that we’re going to elope pretty quickly… like in the next month or so.

Davide fell in love with my family in Kauai and because of how things are with my parents he wants at least the rest of my family there. He has a very large family, so he wants to fly out just his parents, brothers, and sister. We’ll need to go back to Italy soon for a second reception to include everyone else.

He puts so much thought into what will be best for me. Since my parents don’t want to be involved and his does, I suggested Positano. But in his eyes… because they don’t want to be involved it’s even more important that every one else in my family supports me. When he said that, I couldn’t help but cry. No one has ever been so thoughtful and kind to me before.

Then we’re thinking of a honeymoon in the Caribbean. I may just take off a month from work and we can explore South America a bit. I’ve never been. He’s travelled a lot and has some places in mind that he wants to take me to.

This guy is… incredible. He just gets me and is so invested in our relationship.

We have this level of trust and honesty with each other that was missing from our relationship before.

I can’t believe I’m engaged again and that I feel even more sure about this decision. That in less than a month I’ll be married.

It almost feels like an alternate universe, where the good things finally happen to me. 

About Monica

Living in Newport Beach and Kauai. Survivor of crippling Anxiety and Depression. When I'm not cuddling my adorable dachshund puppy, surfing, or reading, you'll find me on here writing about my love life, loss, and everything in between.

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