Davide

Less than a month 👰🏻

Sooo our wedding is going to be in a month.

The whole planning process has become a whirlwind. In a matter of days, we almost have the venue locked down. I’m trying to get my favorite photographer Evie to squeeze us in. Then we start working on planning the reception.

My brother is getting married in January too. So we’re trying to work around that.

We told my parents a few days ago. I called and they actually answered… I was pretty surprised by that. They even sounded excited about us setting a date. After we hung up, I cried. I didn’t expect any kind of positivity from them, so it felt like a miracle. Later my dad texted to see if he could stop by. He wanted to see where I’m living now.

He came by yesterday afternoon and I showed him my new place. I think he just wants me to be happy and make sure I’m getting into this for the right reasons. He asked a lot of questions about Davide. He knows about Josh now (he didn’t for years) and also asked me about him. He asked why I wasn’t ending up with him after everything. I tried not to show it… but that question hurt a lot, even though it was a fair question.

My parents still won’t be coming to the wedding, but it’s nice that they are looped in on it. My mom thinks that once I’m married I’ll come back to the religion. Of course she would. Everything always comes back to that. It’s frustrating because I know I’ll never be who they want me to be. I do miss aspects of our relationship though… maybe I always will. 

My dad did get to meet Davide briefly before he left. It went really well, and it surprisingly made me feel really settled. It’s been a really really long time since my family met who I was dating.

It’s really hitting me that Dave isn’t here anymore. That he’s gone forever. At one time I had two dads and now I have no one to walk me down the aisle or do the father’s dance with me. I just feel like I really fucked that up and it’s hard living with all of those regrets. I try not to think about how heartbreaking it is. At least I’ll have all of my important aunts, uncles, and cousins there. Davide was right, it means more to me then I thought it would.

Davide’s family on the other hand been amazing. I completely adore his dad. I actually met him before I met Davide and we get along famously. After Davide and I got back together, his dad Facetimed him once and told me how he told Davide the day he got home to get his ass back to me or he’d spend the rest of his life regretting that he let me get away. His mom doesn’t speak fluent English, but we got along great when I was staying with them in September. It’s just the phone stuff that’s hard now. His little sister and I text daily, she’s dying to come visit California. I know they’re disappointed we’re not getting married there, but also excited to visit to Kauai.

Let’s talk about Sex

I had girls night last night. Sushi, wine, and my closest friends at my place. It’s always a lot of fun with them. 

The main topic of the night was Davide and our sex life. I even showed them the restraints and sex swing that he got for me as a surprise. I was really nervous at first, we’ve only had it for a few days but have been having a lot of fun. I told them about the things we’ve done and how he is in bed (he’s incredible).  I’ve never been so blatantly open with my friends about my sex life like this before. 

We also talked a lot about having kids and birth control. One of my friends just had a really bad pregnancy scare, because she was being an idiot and only doing the Pull Out method. We all ended up harping on her and convinced her to stop being so stupid, sharing what we’ve been using for birth control and how it’s working. 

I also finally shared something I haven’t told anyone, outside of Dusty and Davide. Earlier this summer I decided to freeze my eggs. The process was hell. Hormones fuck with you in the craziest ways. When I was going through it I didn’t write about it mostly because I was ashamed to… but at the same time I just felt like I needed to take the pressure off, I needed an insurance policy. I know one day I’m going to be an incredible mom… but I didn’t want the pressure to do it now. Now that it’s all over… I’m thankful I did, it went really well. It was crazy expensive, but worth every penny in my book and it was nice to open up about it with my friends and not feel judged.

In between planning for my bachelorette party, we took several dance breaks. We can be such dorks, showing off our best moves and perfecting our twerks, falling over when see who could drop it lowest, we usually ended up in a pile on the floor laughing hysterically. It was hilarious. My stomach hurt from laughing so hard.

I found out that Davide had talked to my best friend before he proposed again. She told us all what he said, how he felt like I was the only thing in his life that really mattered. That I challenged him to be a better person, he knew he’d never meet anyone else like me again, and regretted walking away from me every single day. He promised her he would never make that mistake again and he wanted her blessing to propose again. He knew how much weight her opinion holds with me.

It was really sweet he did that. I had no idea. It also explains why she didn’t give me nearly as much shit as I thought she would for this… especially now that we’ve decided to fast track the wedding. Everyone has been surprisingly very onboard for this. It almost feels too easy… I’m waiting for the catch.

About Monica

Living in Newport Beach and Kauai. Survivor of crippling Anxiety and Depression. When I'm not cuddling my adorable dachshund puppy, surfing, or reading, you'll find me on here writing about my love life, loss, and everything in between.

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