My Life

Not who I was before

I’m going to squeeze all of the light, love, and happiness I can out of my life. I have no room left for regrets in my life. No room for hate. No room for worry.

All that matters to me right now is living my very best life. Doing everything I always wanted to do and living my life in a way where I won’t regret a single thing.

Regret was at the root of me feeling heart broken. I regret the time I lost. But focusing on regret is only stealing moments and time from me right now. It’s like a leaky hole, and I need to fix it.

Living in the moment is so much more fun. At this point in my life, I feel so full of life. I’m the very best version of myself that I’ve ever been.

I’m not who I was before. Not even close. I may have the same eyes and smile. My body is stronger and in my humble opinion- sexier. My heart is kinder. I no longer care what everyone else thinks. I’m wayyy more hornier and kinkier. Which makes me go after the shit I want.

Last night after Happy Hour I got out some of the new lingerie I ordered for the photo shoot. This one top was this mesh material that was completely see through. I wanted to gauge how Davide reacts. 😈

So I went to the living room where he was watching tv and strutted my stuff. Seeing his eyes get wide and his jaw drop was worth it. My confidence soared.

I walked over to him on the couch and straddled him with a smile “Hey. What’s up?” and grinded gently against his growing erection.

“Holy Shit, Monica.” He groaned.
“What babe?” I said feigning innocence.
“You are the sexiest woman on this planet, is what.” He said as he grabbed me, holding me in place.
I loved it when he said that. I wanted him to never forget it. I wanted to burn these moments of us into his memory. I kissed him deeply, hungrily. Starting a making out session that had us both panting and grinding.
“Fuck. You’re going to make me cum with just your kiss.” He growled at me.

I grabbed the back of his head. Our eyes locked on each other.
“I need you deep inside me. Now.” I purred as I pulled his sweats down.

In one swift move he had me on my back. We made love. After, I laid there panting, he pulled me close looked deep into my eyes and whispered “Can I just marry you right now?” I smiled into his sweet kiss. I love him too much.

This is what I spent years fearing. Denying myself of. Now I couldn’t imagine a few days without it. Wanting him deeper. Instead of fearing my sexuality, I felt empowered by it. I was in no way the same woman. I was also plotting which lingerie I’m going to surprise him with next. Maybe this one?

As we laid there, we started talking wedding details.

I told Davide how after the wedding I wanted to donate the flowers to nursing homes and the extra food to the homeless.

He grabbed the hair at the base of my neck and pulled me in close and kissed me hard “Do you know why I love you so much???” He said as he looked deep into my eyes. “Because I fuck you senseless.” I replied with a smile.

He shook his head, his face serious.
“It’s not your sexy body or how smart you are. It’s your heart. You are the best and kindest woman on the planet and I can’t believe I’m going to be lucky enough to spend the rest of my life with you. You’re it for me.” I melted at his words and kissed him sweetly. I can’t help but think how excited I am to show him off at the Christmas party tomorrow.

We just laid there hugging. I just felt… so complete. Davide gets me. The things that everyone saw as flaws before- me being too sensitive, too nice, or hell even too horny. He sees them as my greatest strengths.

As we laid there cuddling he told me how he’s going to spend the rest of his life with me. That he will never let me go or give up on me. That we’re going to have babies and we’re going to grow old together. How he wants to know what a kinky freak I’ll be when I’m 90yrs old. I joke about giving him lap dances when I’m 90 and break a hip or something and we laugh. 

These are the moments I wish I could bottle up and freeze frame. Moments where I’m tangled with my future husband and I feel so incredibly loved and cherished. All I want in this world is to make him happy. To spend the rest of my life laughing and happy together. I can’t do anything about my past regrets now, I’ve already tried to… all I can do is live the most incredible life I can imagine.

About Monica

Living in Newport Beach and Kauai. Survivor of crippling Anxiety and Depression. When I'm not cuddling my adorable dachshund puppy, surfing, or reading, you'll find me on here writing about my love life, loss, and everything in between.

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