Guys Nate

The guy that should’ve been named Heartbreak

This is probably going to be the most vague and confusing blog post ever, because I don’t know how to explain this…. but I have to get the words out.

Have you ever met someone and you can feel it in your bones… that they’re going to be someone big for you and your life?

Well… He happened that way. At first it was nothing to think of. Until one day… it just snuck up on me and it was intense and all consuming.

In a matter of weeks I fell in love with him completely unexpectedly and in a way that I had never fallen in love before. He changed everything for me. Is it even possible for someone become the love of your life in such a short period of time?

I have never admired and respected a guy the way I did with him. I just completely adored him and I thought he might be the greatest human alive. I still do. And everything about him, felt so perfectly matched for me.

He made me believe in soulmates, because my heart and soul- sung for him in a way that it had never done before.

Is it possible that you can meet someone who is SO perfect for you, even though you’re in a committed relationship with someone else who is amazing? Someone that you already love?

Then that begs the question…if you’re really in love and committed to someone- would you even allow yourself to find the perfection in someone else?

All I know… is that everything about him felt like sunlight, and everything inside me was drawn in like a moth to the flame.

That’s how I became addicted to a guy who should’ve been named Heartbreak because even now… I know in my bones that everything about him has broken me.

It doesn’t matter how hard you fall. How much you truly do love someone. How much you don’t want to give up. Doesn’t matter if they were made just for you. Sometimes… it just isn’t meant to be.

Life just happens that way. And as much as that hurts and brings me to my knees… I can’t even be angry, because at least now I know that my unicorn soulmate exists. That he’s out there… and he’s happy.

Asking for more than that, seems greedy. Trying to change the good person he is, our circumstances, my own standards and values, the respect I feel for both of our relationships… it feels impossible. We just aren’t meant to be. I could be pissed at the world- at myself for falling- at our relationships for existing- at my conscious for eating me alive for just thinking of him. Instead, I just want to appreciate him for who he is. Even though he is someone who I will never be able to call mine, because that guy is a walking Heartbreak to my soul. He completely broke me, and I cant even regret it because he was worth it.

About Monica

Living in Newport Beach and Kauai. Survivor of crippling Anxiety and Depression. When I'm not cuddling my adorable dachshund puppy, surfing, or reading, you'll find me on here writing about my love life, loss, and everything in between.

1 comment on “The guy that should’ve been named Heartbreak

  1. Thought provoking ideas expressed beautifully. I admire your morals, and your philosophy. It is better to have loved and lost than never loved at all. Your feelings, although you cannot peruse them, are no less real and are to be treasured.

    Liked by 1 person

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