My Life

Only good things in this one

Lately I’ve only been writing about some of the challenges I’ve been facing… there has been a lot of that, it is not easy. But things are good too and I wanted to write about that.

Good Work Stuff

I had a pretty amazing break-thru call with my coach. She helps me with a lot of leadership and career development type of stuff. In general, I find her pretty inspiring and she really just helps me break down any blockers that I have.

I’ve been dealing with several really complex personale issues at work. It’s hard because I don’t really have many people I can talk to about it. Even less people I can go to for advice. But this week… she helped me get to a root issue that has been blocking me and I didn’t even realize it. So that felt really really good.

One of the women I’m a mentor for who lives in India… she had her first amazing week of sales on this store she launched. We’ve been working through so much ‘imposture syndrome’ stuff lately, to see her push through it at all… it was amazzzzing! She is just such a hustler and her emails are like the whole joy of my week.

An Amazing Story about the best woman ever

Every Monday I visit my Grandma’s old best friend. I bring her flowers and sneak in donuts. She reminds me so much of my Grandma. Usually she’s in a lot of pain and is kinda grumpy, but she was having an especially good day, and we got to walk out to the garden and hangout.

She told me this story about my Grandma… that I never heard before. It made me cry. Well… anything that involves my Grandma gets me emotional, she was my favorite woman ever. But for the first time in a really long time… I felt close to her again and that meant a lot to me.

Battling Bullies

Also having Tots family around… is like the best thing ever. She keeps me sane with all of my dad stuff going on. It’s hard to be anything but happy when she’s around. All we do is laugh and joke around.

I’m not like a huge kid person. I get along with them fine… but I’m also not like crazy about them either. Kaileaha, her daughter, is an exception to that. She’s so much fun to hangout with.

She started school this past year… and it’s been rough. Sometimes she Facetimes me bawling, but won’t really tell me what’s going on and she doesn’t tell Tots either. So we’ve all been pretty worried. Well… she finally opened up to me about it all.

We were shoe shopping when she told me everything… she broke down crying. We talked through a lot of it. Another girl at school has been bullying her and making fun of her. They used to be friends, so she’s been saying some nasty things.

Basically, Kaileaha doesn’t feel pretty. God… I remember what that was like as a kid. We talked about what being beautiful really means. How it’s about your heart and that reflects on the outside too. That most girls aren’t taught that, so they focus too much on the outside, but we don’t want to be like most girls.

She was struggling because she doesn’t know what to say or do when they pick on her like that. Then they call her dumb. So we practiced some replies together. Finally, I bought the kid a shitload of shoes… and now Tots is gonna kill me when they have to figure out a way to get them back to Kauai 😬. I told Tots about it all later, we both cried and started plotting out how we’re gonna kick this little bullies ass.

I definitely spoil my niece too much. She loves staying at my house, because of my bathtub. I bought her a bunch of Sparkly Bath Bombs and this kid now insists on taking like 3 baths a day. It’s the cutest thing in the world.

Tots gave me like the biggest compliment ever. She said that she was so thankful that I treat her daughter the way I do. That she hopes one day her daughter is half as strong and smart as I am. That she can’t wait to see me as a mother, because I naturally inspire and help the other women around me… so she can only imagine how I’ll be with my own daughters.

Date Night

Even though things have been tough between us lately… he had planned us this really really cute date night. A Monday night picnic at the beach to watch the sunset.

Monday nights during the summer are usually when me and my closest friends go to the beach right after work. We bring a TON of snacks and wine and catch up while we watch the sunset. We play a pretty hilarious game of Fuck, Marry, or Kill. After we usually go over to my place and BBQ. I had told Davide about it awhile ago… and he remembered. Which was very sweet.

We decided that the topic we’ve been butting heads over, was off limits. Instead we just… talked, laughed, and got wine drunk. I taught him the Fuck Marry or Kill game. Which we played (every 3 people that walk by you have to chose which one you’ll fuck, marry, or kill). We had each other crying laughing. I always had interesting reasons why I’d M or F someone, because I’d create backstories for everyone “He is an undercover cop, I can’t M him- I’d have to stop being a gangsta!” He said he’d F this one Grandma, because she looked like she’d be good ride in bed.

After we went to Laguna Beach and got gelato. He smashed my gelato into my face- which started an epic food fight that had me laughing so hard, I got the hiccups. It felt good to laugh together like that again.

For me, it was just this reminder of how well we get along. Why I’m so thankful he’s in my life. I just don’t know if he’s what I need in the long term, I know he’ll always have my back- but will he push me to be my best? It was hard because he kept talking about the trips he wants to take together, like Bali and New Zealand. Or “we should get that for our house in Poipu!” kinda stuff and it’s just hard for my head to go there right now… I have a lot of doubts creeping up.


I am itching to get out of here already. Being around my immediate family… it’s not easy on me. Especially after being estranged from them for most of last year. It’s a lot to take in and I’m ready to be anywhere but here.

I need to book my Europe flights by next week, so I started figuring out where I want to go/stay. Which has me pretty excited.

Nothing is in stone yet… but I have some epic trips in mind this year. I wanna push myself further outside of my comfort zone, then I’ve ever been before. I’m nervous, but mostly I’m excited.

Best News Ever

My dad woke up super early this morning! 😅❤️

Life has been hard… really hard some days. Yet I am super super blessed to be surrounded by some incredible people. I have a ton of joy in my life. Nothing is perfect… hell I am far from it- I feel like such a mess sometimes. I just have a lot to be thankful for… and it was kinda nice to write about the good stuff for a change.

About Monica

Living in Newport Beach and Kauai. Survivor of crippling Anxiety and Depression. When I'm not cuddling my adorable dachshund puppy, surfing, or reading, you'll find me on here writing about my love life, loss, and everything in between.

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