This week I went with my sister on one of her company retreats. I’ve been needing some solid sister bonding time. combined with… it was a great excuse to take some space from Davide.
I completely adore my sister’s coworkers. They all work remotely so they never get to see each other. When they do… it’s like a big family reunion. It’s pretty cool getting tackled with hugs by people around every turn.
I’m pretty excited to spend a week with them again. I’ve bonded pretty well with a good majority of them between some pretty hilarious night outs in Madrid and Nashville.
The Dynamic Duo
As soon as her coworker Danny saw me he tackled me with this massive hug and spun me around. Then demanded that tonight be the night for us to relive our infamous night of karaoke in Madrid.
I have to get my hands on the video from that night…. but Danny and I, we are forever bonded because we both just so happen to know all of the words AND the dance moves to a certain boyband song. So of course we had to drunkly sing our hearts out and have a dance off. We were a huge hit, WE SLAYEDDDD! We had the whole karaoke bar cheering us on. Then for our encore song… we came back with Benny and the Jets, because why not? That was two years ago, and because of that night Danny is still one of my favorites. That night was one of my favorite nights in Madrid.
So we picked a karaoke bar, Danny spread the word in the company Slack channels: One Night Only: the dynamic duo of Danny and Monica would be taking the stage again, BE THERE!
So we set about the rest of our day and carpooled over to the karaoke spot after dinner. When we finally arrived… the place was packed with all of their coworkers.
Danny and I did a few shots of tequila, jokingly did some stretches and vocal warm ups outside. We came up with a game plan and decided that since this is our encore performance… clearly we have to end with a big finish. Problem is he can’t do the lift from Dirty Dancing and he didn’t trust me enough to lift him, so we decided that he needed to do a trust fall into my arms.
We sang Everybody Backstreet’s Back, we even had backup dancers. Of course we SLAYED (again). We were a HUGE hit with the crowd, because we’re pretty legit. I think we could take our performance on the road.
It was good times. Reallllllly really good times. Everyone jokingly came up to us afterwards asking for autographs. I was laughing so hard my stomach hurt. After that, we decided to go with a smaller group to a speakeasy.
Oh hey, let’s all analyze Monica’s love life
We all caught up and drank more. Until Kelly and Julia decided it was time to grill me on my love life. Normally… I’d bullshit my way through. Pretend everything was okay, put on a good smile… but we’ve all actually hung out enough for me to feel comfortable enough to tell them that I have no idea what the hell is going on at this very moment.
Everyone chimed in with advice. Sister’s Bff gay coworkers had the best perspective of all, which was XXX and I’ll save y’all from sharing those details here. Danny thought I could do better. Kelly and Julia had decided that Davide was pretty hot and wanted more pictures.
My sister, who has been the biggest Davide fan up to this point drunkenly admitted that even she was on the fence about him and had a major heart to heart with Davide before I left on this trip with her.
Turns out Davide had called my sister when I had told him about the trip. He wanted to make sure I was going with her and wanted details on where we were staying. That didn’t quite sit right with my sister. She called him out for trying to get more details out of her. We weren’t up to anything shady, if he can’t trust me to go away with my own sister… what is going on? Why would he ever have a problem with me taking some sister time? She told him she thought he was holding on too tight to me. That he needed to chill out a bit… because one thing she’s learned about me is that I’m not someone that can be controlled and it’s the fastest way to lose me.
The whole table grimaced. Especially me. And I was super irritated that he even called her in the first place!
This seemed to solidify Danny’s opinion that I should just drop Davide. The whole table nodded in agreement. As if it’s just that simple. I tried not to feel overwhelmed. Thankfully we changed the subject and got back to our fun night out.
My sister’s real opinion on our relationship
My little sister is my very best friend. Well, one of them. We’re close… but we’ve taken a break from really talking about guys. Things got weird when she started dating a guy I dated. It’s just been a topic we’ve been staying away from, but I miss getting to talk to her about it all. She knows me better than anyone else.
When we finally got back to the room we were still tipsy from the fun night out.
So I told her the truth… that I was scared that Davide wasn’t my soulmate. That he is incredible. That he is soooo damn close and wants to start a life with me right now. He gave up so much to chase me down and be with me here. Am I crazy for questioning it? Do I just go along with it all?
My sister said a lot of things… most of which I’m still processing. But she said:
“Okay, sister to sister… you know I’ll support whatever you decide. I like him, he’s funny, and takes good care of you. He loves you so much… you can just see it in the way he looks at you. If you’re asking me if he’s who I thought you’d end up with… no. He’s not. I never saw you running off with some hot Italian guy. So that was a plot twist, but I do think he’s been great for you.
With how mom and dad were… you were always busy taking care of everyone else, mostly me, and no one ever stopped to take care of you. You always take care of yourself. You’re so self sufficient in that way. I like that he doesn’t take no for an answer with that and he takes care of you. He’s so attentive to you, and you let him. I’ve never seen that side of you before. I like that you finally have someone so attentive, you deserve that. I can see you off conquering the world and he’d be the one holding down the fort at home with the family for you.
I think he follows your lead and clings to you and your life. He gets along great with everyone… even mom and dad. Even Eric likes him a lot. He gets a bit insecure around some of your guy friends, but I think he’ll get better over time. He went to church with all of us, even when you wouldn’t.
I think everything that happened with dad in the hospital, was like throwing your relationship into the hot seat. I wasn’t sure how he’d do with it all but he handled it amazingly. He would comfort me when I cried and you were busy handling mom. I can see him being a great husband to you. But I also think he’d follow you around like a lost puppy… so I’m not sure if you’ll be a great wife to him. I think if he keeps up the lost puppy thing, you’ll lose respect for him, he needs to have a life outside of you.
I honestly don’t even think he realizes he’s doing it. He seems just scared to death of losing you, so he’s holding on tighter than ever. I don’t think he’s quite grasped that he needs to have his own life and his own friends outside of you.
The thing only you can answer… is that enough for you?
If you love him, then yeah go through with the Visa and marry him right now. But I think if you have any doubt… put it on hold. Go back with him to Italy. See him in his element around his family more. Maybe he’s just really out of his element here and needs more time with you… I know he’s a good guy. You don’t have anything to lose if you go back with him… I’d miss you, but I could visit. I know he wants to start a family with you like now, but he can probably just chill out for a bit. I’m still wrapping my head around you being married… you being pregnant would just be too much.”
I laughed. Yeah… me pregnant, that thought freaks me out. I’m still wrapping my head around being engaged and the house. Having a husband and kids, right now… that just seems like someone else life. Not like my actual soon to be reality. That just really solidified for me that I’m not ready. So I just sat there… taking it all in.
I haven’t figured anything out yet… but the space is helping a bit.