Last days together

Things with Davide have been amazing this past week. I feel like I have my fairytale romance back.

He’s been leaving me notes everywhere, surprise flowers daily, for my lunch break he’s been cooking us meals and then puts a blanket down in the living room and we “picnic” there. We’ve gone out dancing the past few nights. Then stay up all night and morning making love.

I just feel so damn loved by him. He is just so good at making me feel so secure in our relationship and in his feelings for me. He can be so intense and affectionate.

He was heading back home the next day, since his 90 days were almost up for being in the US. And honestly… I didn’t think I would be upset about it, but I am. Not like angry upset… but I’m like genuinely sad about it.

We spent our last night together out with a bunch of friends at Cowboy Country and it was amazzzing. Such a good night. He’s been really practicing his two stepping and some of his dips and spins with me. He told me he wanted our last night out dancing to be really special and it was. We KILLED IT on the dance floor. I had so much fun.

It was in those moments, when he’s spinning me around the room, he’d dip me low, look deep into my eyes and kiss me passionately and it was like the dance between us said everything we wanted to say. He made my heart pound in my chest.

I suddenly felt emotional and conflicted about him leaving. I think Davide has been my best relationship so far. We had some low points recently… but overall he has been amazing to me. We have so much fun together. He makes me laugh, and he has made me the center of his life. He asks me about my day and takes the time to really listen and learn my world well. I have never felt so incredibly loved by someone. The past few weeks we’ve had together has been some of our very best.

We stayed up all night last night talking and making love. He put on this playlist that I once made for our wedding. It had the songs we were planning on having our first dance to… and songs we wanted to walk down the aisle to.

We were laying in our bed and he wrapped his arms around me, and he started telling me his side of the story of how we met on the day we met on the ferry. He told me that he had saw me from afar walking down the dock with my luggage and he thought I was stunning. That when his coworker came and talked to me first he was pissed. But the second he saw me up close, he couldn’t believe how beautiful I was. He said it was like a magnet drawing him in.

It surprised him that we found so much to talk about on the ferry ride. That the questions I asked him were so thoughtful and my laugh made his heart skip a beat. He was surprised when I agreed to a date. That I made him so nervous from the start.

When he went to pick me up, he thought that maybe he was remembering how beautiful I was incorrectly. But then when he came to pick me up and I came down this flight of stairs in my dress and heels. It was like his heart stopped. That those same feelings rush back every time he catches sight of me from afar.

I remember the chemistry between us being off the charts from the start. I liked how he looked at me, but I looooved our conversations more. I don’t have flings… but I really had no expectations with him. I wasn’t looking for anything serious, in fact I wanted the opposite of serious but we ended up just fitting so well together from the start.

How we ran hand in hand down the steep cobblestone streets in POURING rain and all we could do was laugh and splash each other in the puddles.

He knew from those early days that I was a game changer for him. He said he knew he couldn’t let me get away, or he’d spend the rest of his life regretting it. How even now, the idea of being separated from me made his heart ache.

I didn’t tell him how much my heart aches too. That right now… I feel so confused.

I know that I’m in love with Nate. But in moments like this… I’m reminded of how incredible Davide is and the depth of my love for him. That sometimes I doubt Nate and I will ever happen… and there is this gut wrenching pain comes from the idea. Yet I also know… I’d be okay. I’d have a life with Davide who is the thing fairy tales are made of. I already have an incredible life and so much to be thankful for. And how right now… I look into his eyes and I’m thankful for him, and already miss him.

We laid in bed intertwined, and he told me how he dreams of us going to Thailand and Bali in the fall. How he wants to see the world with me. How he wants to make love on the beach late at night.

He confessed that since the first time we’ve been intimate… he has often wished I’d get pregnant because he feels so deeply that I am the mother of his children and his future. That has never been a feeling or thought he’s had about anyone else, but it was there from the start with me.

Those words made my heart ache in confusion. It kinda scares me, because I know I love him… but father of my kids and husband… it’s just a lot to take in. I don’t entirely know when I’m going to see him next. It may be as long as June… or he may come out to Kauai to help me with the major family stuff going on. So it would be weeks… or a month and half.

When I dropped him off at the airport, he handed me a thick envelope… which had the longest love letter in the world. He poured his heart and soul into it for me… it included a sketch he made of me and our engagement ring that I had given back. How is it even possible that he is this romantic? I couldn’t help but cry a little.

About Monica

Living in Newport Beach and Kauai. Survivor of crippling Anxiety and Depression. When I'm not cuddling my adorable dachshund puppy, surfing, or reading, you'll find me on here writing about my love life, loss, and everything in between.

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