I don’t care about gifts, how much money you make/spend on me, or how fancy the restaurant is. What means the world to me is time and attention. It’s having deep conversations. It’s doing shit like figuring out your goals in life and then working on a plan for how to tackle them together. That right there is one of the sexiest things in the world to me. I could legit do all of that sitting on a curb, and eating some yummy street food, and would be the happiest girl in the world.
A couple months ago I mentioned this book that I had worked through to Davide called Living Forward. It’s basically all about figuring what you want out of life and working out a life plan to make it all happen. It goes super deep. I had worked through it last year and had set a vision/goals for the life that I want. I thought it was going to be weird and it was kinda hard to do… but afterwards I was so glad I did.
Well I didn’t know it, but when we were apart, Davide read the book and worked through it. Then wrote his own life plan, which he surprised me with on our date.
Davide goes all out on dates (he’s the super romantic one of us), we’re currently in Paris so he took me to this incredible Italian restaurant which had a beautiful view of the Eiffel Tower. We drank a ton of wine and dug really deep for our Goal Date. He surprised me with his life plan, which made me emotional. Not only what he wrote, but what he had planned and how I fit into it. We discussed what we both wanted and needed to feel fulfilled in life.
We have always talked a lot about our goals and plans in the past… because that’s just how I’m wired… but it was never to this deep level. So this was incredible and just super validating to me that I’m in the right relationship with someone who is going to keep pushing me to grow. Someone who makes me a better person, just as much as I make him a better person.
Being held Accountable
I think the hardest part but best part of the conversation for me, was when Davide held me accountable to the goals I had set last time and called me out on my shit in the kindest way he could.
For example, one of my priorities was centered around health, yet I’ve been drinking every single day… not to an excess, but still drinking daily. Which isn’t in itself a problem, because if my goal was to relax with a glass of wine everyday- that’d be cool. It’s just that I’m stressed so I drink to relax. He wasn’t coming from a place of judgement but from a place of making sure that I was aligning my actions with what I say I want for my life. So we talked through that. I told him he was completely right and we figured out a way forward. I’m not going to stop drinking by any means, but stop using it to cope with stress.
He also brought up the rough patch that I went through and figured out how I could prioritize my own health instead of prioritizing everyone else. Sometimes I can get very martyr like and it ends up biting me in the ass, like it did this time.
Davide wanted to know more about Nate
Probably the most difficult part of the conversation was when he brought up Nate in the context of, I say that the most important thing to me in a relationship is honesty and being open… but I did the opposite of that with Nate. He felt like I could’ve been more open and honest while I worked through my doubts about our relationship. Which he was completely right about. He did give me major credit for even telling him about it in the first place, I could’ve not even done that, but I did want to be honest and come clean. We both agreed that the whole thing negatively impacted us and had a strong impact on our relationship. It fucked with his head. I felt super guilty about that… and just frustrated with myself, that I even did that to him.
It was a tough but honest conversation. Davide was rightfully frustrated, but he was also so kind and understanding. It was just a tough topic to be so open and vulnerable about. To tell him how I felt and the why behind a lot of things, but I’m glad I did. He didn’t want to know a lot of details he said it would only upset him more, but did want answers to some questions he had.
To him the most frustrating part, is that this really set us back with the Visa. I really shot us in the foot with that by being so stupid about Nate. At the same time, if I had any doubt about marrying Davide… I’m glad I didn’t jump in… no matter how big of a paperwork inconvenience it was.
Looking back on it all… I feel like the whole Nate thing was like this rip current that I didn’t realize I was in. It just sucked me out to sea and far off course and I didn’t even realize it. I was following my heart. It took a lot for us to both get out of that situation. It was such a struggle because the emotions I felt were so strong and kept sucking me back in. And now that I’m finally out… it’s like I looked up and realized how far off course I am. So it’s just making my way back to the shore, where I belong. I feel exhausted and battered up from it… because it all was so confusing. Love isn’t supposed to feel like that. But like I wrote about in my last post, I have no resentment or anger about it. I’m just ready to get back on track.
Not all bad
If that conversation sounds incredibly painful, it was… but it was a small portion of our dinner. Our main focus was making sure we’re on the same page. Davide had brought goals that weren’t completely reliant on me and our relationship, but they were ambitious. In general it was just a really happy and supportive conversation while we figured it all out. Discussed finances and figured out exactly where we go from here.
Something Davide said really meant a lot to me. He said that I inspire him to be his best self, that I just naturally push him out of his comfort zone and encourage him to aim for the highest stars. That he feels like we can accomplish anything we want to together. That he wants us both to push each other and grow together.
He said that my strong mindset was the most important and sexiest part of me, because that’s what’s really going to be raising our children. And he wants them to be just as strong as I am and can’t wait until the day I make him my husband and someday a father. That he only wants to do life with me, and even though the past months have been rough on our relationship… he knows that we’re The Dream Team. We can get through anything together. He stuck by me through so much of my bullshit… so I do think we can.
Someone pinch me
After dinner we both were pretty tipsy and just high on life. We walked to the Eiffel tower and sat in the grass, just cuddling and kissing. I realized that I feel so damn sure of where I’m headed. I don’t have a single shred of doubt about where I am with my life.
I look at Davide with a new appreciation.
1- He is the most thoughtful guy I’ve ever met. He thinks of me in everything he does. In all of my relationships, I’ve always been the giver. But he’s even more giving than me. He is just such a kind and thoughtful person. In the whole Nate situation I was completely selfish… and he never gave up on me. He put my needs first, even when it hurt him.
2- He really stepped things up motivationally. I’m seeing this whole other side of him that I didn’t know existed. I never asked for it, it all came from him. Then the way he held me accountable during our Goals Date 😍 pushing me to be a better person. Such. A. Turn. On.
3- Physically, things are just the bessssst. He is incredible in bed and together… it’s just insane and I can never get enough of it. Get enough of him.
At the end of the day, I’m sitting here pinching myself. I’m in Paris with my incredible fiancé. Have you ever been so in awe of someone that it’s like time stands still? It didn’t matter that the Eiffel tower was right in front of us. I only could see him. I just felt completely lost in that moment with him.