We spent the past week in Positano, Italy with Davide’s family.
We were laying out on lounge chairs at the beach club after a long swim in the cool ocean. Davide had dragged my chair over so it was right against his and he grabbed my hips and pulled me onto his lounge chair.
“Why hello there.” I said laughing as he put my book down and rubbed our noses together and ran his hand through my wet tangled hair.
“I am so fucking in love with you.” he said as he gave me a deep and passionate kiss. I smiled back at him, blushing.
“How are you even a real human being?” he asked me as he ran his hands over hips and my curves. I love how my curves drive him wild. How he insists on constantly rubbing lotion all over me. How he’s constantly grabbing my hips. It makes me feel like a goddess.
I mutter some random joke that I can’t even remember, all I remember is the way he threw his head back and laughed. He looked so happy. So full of life and love. And I remember thinking… “I could be this happy forever.”
Later I push him into the ocean and he growls and chases after me, tackling me then dragging me by my legs back into the ocean. Getting a bucket of sand in my swimsuit bottoms. I make him shield me as I take off my bottoms in the water and try to get all the sand off. After that he affectionately started calling me his sandy butt.
Our week together in Positano with his family was coming to an end… I was heading back early to California to spend the weekend in Newport Beach with my family and a few friends…. before heading to Maui to spend quaility time with my sister. Where Davide was going to eventually meet up with me and our big plan is to spend most of July there.
I do love the whole working remote life… but I kinda feel like a nomad right now. I don’t have a major home base since we decided to rent our house on Kauai, which is incredibly freeing and a huge privilege in itself… but I’ve grown weary of hotel rooms and I’m ready to just “be home” and do basic things like grocery runs and cooking dinner.
I cuddled into his warm and broad chest I tried not to think of being separated again. While I’m ready for a bit of normalcy in my life… I don’t like the idea of us being apart. I don’t want room in our relationship for me to make another dumb mistake.
I’m about as independent as they come… I love my space and my life. I love pursuing things that mean a lot to me. I also am super excited about getting back to work (I really love my job) and being back in a timezone that overlaps with my coworkers. What I wasn’t looking forward is to… is time away from Davide.
The past few weeks we’ve gotten closer than ever. Spending days exploring new cities, hiking new mountains, and laughing over romantic dinners before we dance the night away. I used to worry that I was settling. That I was jumping in too fast, but now those doubts are gone. I love him so incredibly deeply. The goals that we came out of our Goal Date with… have me feeling excited about where we’re headed. Turned on by how much he challenged and pushed me.
I love traveling together. We’re at our happiest that way. I also think it’s the whole reason we bonded so quickly. We got to see each other super up close and personal, the good and the bad. You learn a lot about someone when you travel together. Hell, I have best friends I wouldn’t travel with. For me it’s the ultimate friend test. Davide easily passed it and he quickly became my teammate. I’ve always been a really happy go lucky person, but he brings that out of me even more. He gets me out of my head. He’s always down for an adventure.
Davide held my face in his hands and stared deeply into my eyes. I smiled back at him. “You’re so intense today.” I remarked.
“The way I feel about you Monica, I’ve never felt like this for anyone. I look at you and I know that marrying you would be the best decision of my life. That every day you inspire me and make me want to be a better man. I’d marry you this instant and never regret it. I feel desperate for it. To have you as mine completely. Forever.”
The way he said those words so intensely, I could tell he meant every single word… and my heart was so full. I pulled him in for a deep kiss.
I couldn’t sleep that night… I laid awake and thought a lot about us. About marriage. About a wedding. The love I feel for him… it’s so intensely deep. What will our life look like?
This isn’t a puppy love, I know because I’ve been in more than my fair share of relationships. I was with Josh for 10 goddamn years and it never felt like this. I wanted it to. There was just no trust. It’s weird thinking about my ex Josh now. He almost doesn’t seem real and I feel like such an idiot when I think about that relationship. I remember when he used to say things like this too… that he loved me more than anything. He’d do anything. We belonged together. He’d never give up. Only I think we both knew he never meant it. That it was all a lie. That it wasn’t meant to be. The more I think about it, Davide is the only guy to ever say those words and I have no doubt that he means it. That it’s not just a line a guy is just saying to me. It’s different with him. He means it and he’s not going to break his promises.
I think of Davide’s family… I’ve gotten so close to each of them. His sweet sisters and I are super tight. I even bonded with his shy brother. The little Italian I’ve learned has been a huge hit with his mom. I feel like I fit in so well with them all. I know they already love me as much as I love them. They keep asking when we’re getting married.
Besides Davide… I’m probably closest to his dad. We just completely adore each other. I think he’s just the kindest man in the world. And we end up just having deep conversations about life a lot. Sometimes I look at his dad and wonder how much Davide will be like him when he’s 60. Davide’s dad is the kindest and most gentle man in the world. I hope Davide is just like him. Full of thoughtfulness and bright ideas. Always working hard, but loving his family more than anything else.
My life with Davide is full of spontaneous kisses, slow dancing in the kitchen, handwritten love notes under my pillow, and him tugging my hand at night insisting I come outside and look at the stars with him. I sit in his lap and we have deep conversations about life, love, hope, and faith. He opens up and tells me his dreams, and I tell him mine. I know that while he can never get enough of my body he loves and craves my mind and heart more. And that is what means the world to me. I need to be seen as more than just… ass and tits. I know exactly who I am… I just don’t show it to many people very deeply. I show him. And it means everything that he values me as his partner, just as much as I value him. I love this great love of ours. I love the adventures we take together. I love his strength when I am weak. I love that he has never… ever abandoned me when I needed him. Maybe that’s why I trust him in ways I haven’t been able to trust other men. I’m tired of being abandoned. I no longer want it in my life. And when all the chips are down… Davide chooses me and our life together over everything else.
The other night, I rolled over and he was still asleep and watched him peacefully sleep. I traced my fingers over his handsome features. Reflecting deeply on the love I feel for him. Why am I in love?
I don’t love him because I fear being alone. I don’t love him because I don’t think there isn’t any better. I don’t love him because I fear life without him. I don’t love him because I’m just used to Us.
From the start, I’ve fallen in love with his heart and his incredibly kind and thoughtful ways. The ways he gives even more than me. His sense of adventure. His loyalty. His sense of humor. The way his eyes sparkle with laughter and joy when he looks at me. The way he grins at me when he catches me singing a song… I’m always singing and dancing… and he sits back and just watches me with this huge grin. He never makes fun of me. He doesn’t tear me down. I look at him and I see someone who is going to be an incredible father.
I don’t see him as my other half… I don’t believe in that… I know that I am whole on my own. I don’t need another person to survive or complete me. I look at him and see someone who contributes to my happiness. Who makes me a better person. Someone I wake up to every day and who makes me smile and laugh.
He’s everything I’ve always wanted. The only thing that I was unsure of was if he was someone who would push me to be my best and challenge me to go to the next level… the way Nate did. But I have a whole different perspective on all of that now. It wasn’t real.
Davide… really wants to elope while we’re here. And it’s hard not to get wrapped up in it. We’re in the most romantic settings and I am SO in love with him. Our relationship is better than ever. We spend days by the ocean and hiking mountains, then nights dancing. Each day is pure magic and I’m so happy. Maybe it’s something in the air… but I’m starting to consider it. Not here. Not without my sister. But soon… maybe. Would marrying him be the best decision of my life? I look at the team we are… I think about his heart… how he is the kindest and most forgiving man I’ve ever met…
I think soon I’ll be to a point where I’m ready to settle down completely. I fucked up big time with what I did with Nate, but I’m a better and stronger person for it now. I see it for what it really was.
I’m on my way back home without Davide… and my heart already misses him even though I’m excited to be back in the states again. To see my dog. To hear everyone speak English again… but I didn’t want to leave him.