My Life

Movement causes friction, always.

Have you ever noticed that when you make big moves… big chances… or whatever it is, sometimes the people around you… they don’t always react the best? Or even try to convince you to take the easier safer route? How often do the people around you wholeheartedly encourage you to take the big scary chances? It’s kinda rare. I think it’s because change scares most people. I say that like it doesn’t scare me too… it does. But I think staying in the same exact spot, forever… scares me more. I want growth. I crave it. Which is why I’m constantly chasing it. Constantly taking chances, because if not now… when?

I went and had dinner with my parents before leaving California… I told them all about the big plan that Davide and I are toying with. I’d rather they hear it from me in the early stages and have time to process it… rather than blowing up on me when they hear about it later. They did blow up a bit, but I had expected it and was prepared for it.

Something my mom said stuck with me. She said that I scare her and I always have. I take so many chances. I’m always moving forward. That this last year in itself I’ve moved 3-4 times. That’s not “normal”. Why can’t I just settle down and pop out some kids already?

That made me laugh a bit. I think she just wants a “normal” life for me. Well… her version of normal. I know the whole wedding, marriage, and starting a family thing isn’t too far off. I’m not scared of that at all. I know deep in my gut that I’m going to be an incredible wife and mother. I just don’t expect for it to “complete me” the way everyone else does. Besides, it makes sense for us to do this now before we settle down. I’d rather we spend money on having a life & adventures together rather than pour it all into a one day wedding, ya know?

After talking about it with my coach, I realized that movement and growth tend to rock the boat. Thing is, I like making big waves. Better that than always having calm waters. Calm waters never make an experienced sailor. She told me how inspired she was by my commitment to growth, and how big it is that I’m shaking things up in this way. She encouraged me to not give up.

I just kinda wish I got more support from those that mean the most to me. Maybe I come off as too strong, so they think I don’t need it. And I don’t think any of them want to hold me back, they just want what’s best for me, to them that’s the safe well established route. I feel like everyone, even Tots, just want me to get married to Davide at this point, to settle down. And it’s going to happen… when the timing is right. I don’t think I’m going to do it this summer like they all expect me to. In the meantime, I guess I just have to trust my gut and live the very best life I know how to live… which means I need to do this. No matter what everyone else thinks.

Well, I’m back in Hawaii

I can’t tell you how freakin excited I am to get back into a routine where I get to cook. No joke, I spent a good portion of the plane ride to Hawaii writing my grocery list and meal plan for the week, just because I was so genuinely excited to cook shit UP. My stomach has never been so thrilled.

After we picked up the car rentals, I went straight to the grocery store. Then of course unpacked all the groceries and made myself a snack before even starting to settle in and unpack into my room. Because… priorities. lol

The vacation rental my cousin owns and my sister will be staying at is prettttty legit. It’s not too far from the beach and is super nice. I hadn’t seen one of my cousin’s properties in person on this island just yet, so was pretty impressed.

Alec & First Night

After settling in, my sister was in an anxious mood and I just needed to get out of the house. Since Alec had kept texting, I met up with him to grab a few Mai Tai’s at MonkeyPod.

Alec… I don’t really know how to explain our friendship. He was very best friends with my ex Andrew. So we kinda grew up together in the same crowd back in the day. We used to hangout all the time and go surfing or bar hopping. He even crashed on my couch for a month, back when I used to live in Downtown Fullerton. We were good buddies. Then I got in a serious relationship and so did he, I remember his girlfriend just plain hating my guts… so we drifted apart. I’d bump into him every once in awhile after that but I had completely forgotten he had moved to Maui.

When I saw him I grinned wide and jumped into his arms for a bear hug. He always gave the best hugs. “ALEC!!!” I exclaimed. “ACE!!” he replied. A nickname he had given me wayyyyy back when we used to play poker all the time.

“You look GOOD Monica” he said with a low whistle as he stood back and looked me up and down.

I beamed at him. I’ve always been naturally lean and athletic but this past year I’ve focused on toning my curves and making major gains in my ass. I am damn proud of the progress I’ve made so far. Combined with the nice tan from the days we spent on Davide’s boat, I feel like a fucking goddess now. I had decided to wear a simple red dress so I did a little spin and mock curtsey while saying “What this old thing?”

Alec laughed heartily. “Yeah, that old thing but you know what I mean… you look… really pretty.”
“Well you’re welcome to borrow my dress anytime you want to wear it. The right dress on your body type Alec… will have everyone going wild!” I said with a low whistle.
That made him laugh really hard.
“Fuck. I forgot how funny you are!” he replied.
“If that’s just a nice way of you saying how forgettable I am… well okay then!” I said grinning.

Alec and I caught up. We talked a lot about the resort he’s working at now. He had a million questions about my job and the traveling. I gave him the Cliff Notes version.

“Okay, so who are you dating now? When do I get to meet her?” I asked.
“It’s not serious, it’s still kinda new. But she’s pretty cool.” he replied.
“Pretty cool? Wow you sound head over heels… show me a picture.” I demanded. When he did I smiled, “She’s super hot Alec! Why are you doing the whole she’s ‘pretty cool’ shit?” I asked, tilting my head at him.

He blushed, “Yeah, she’s hot. She’s really supportive and super sweet. She’s just not Dream Girl stuff.” he answered.
“What makes a girl Dream Girl stuff?” I asked
He shrugged so I pressed further, “No seriously… I’m curious. Tell me.”
“A dream girl is the trifecta: Super hot body, really pretty face, and great personality. She’s got the first two, but she doesn’t have much of a personality. She’s not really funny, smart, or driven. She’s just fun to hangout with.” he replied.
I nodded “So when do I get to meet her?” I asked.
“No way in hell.” he said as he gulped down his drink
“WTF! Why??” I asked
He shook his head, “I learned my lesson last time, I need to keep whoever I’m dating away from you.” he replied vaguely.
“What the hell does that mean? I’m nice! Everyone loves me!” I said getting defensive.
“Everyone loves you except my girlfriends. Remember Samantha? She gave me so much grief about you, there is no way in hell I’m going through that again. No more meeting who I’m dating.”
I rolled my eyes. “She was just one girl and I was very nice to her. Besides, I’m engaged. In a relationship. It’s never been like that with us.”
“I know. I know, but you were engaged at that time too and you being nice wasn’t the problem.. she was jealous. All of the rest of the guys had the same problems with their girlfriends too. You’re just too… ‘Monica’.”
“I’m too what???” I challenged.
“Nevermind. Point is, you’re not going to hangout. I don’t want the drama. End of subject. So where is this new fiancé? When do I get to meet him?”

I decided it was probably best I not push it further. “He’s flying in soon, just getting more family time in first. So it’s just me and the sister for a little bit.”

“Tell me about him. Is this the guy were dating forever?”

I laughed, “Oh no. Hell no. Josh and I finally ended for good last year. I almost made a huge mistake with all of that, so I’m glad it’s over. I met Davide last year when I was on a solo trip to Italy. He’s Italian. Incredible guy, super kind and funny… we have a blast together. He ended up chasing me back to the states and we got engaged pretty quickly. Now we’re traveling back and forth, well mostly he’s been the one to come here but our goal is to not be separated… so we’re thinking of nomading it in Bali and New Zealand for a few months before getting hitched. Oooo also I’m teaching him how to surf, so far he can kinda handle a longboard. He’ll probably go out surfing with us. You’ll for sure meet him.”

“Is he the jealous type like your last ex?” he asked cautiously.
I laughed, “No not really. Unless I give him a reason to be. I kinda screwed shit up recently… maybe I’ll tell you about it another time, but that was really the only jealously thing we’ve dealt with and it was totally on me. You won’t have problems with it though.” He nodded and kept drinking.

Alec is a really good looking guy, tall and typical gorgeous California surfer type. Even though we’ve been nothing but platonic a few of my old ex’s hated his guts. To the point where things got heated. Which made it complicated for us to be friends. I think Alec is an attractive guy, I see the way other girls look at him… the way my friends would swoon over him, I’m just not personally attracted to him. I don’t think it’ll be the same issue with Davide, now that all the Nate stuff is in the past.

After dinner Alec drove me by some of the beaches to show me some of the good surf spots, on the way to go meet up with a few of his friends. They were super cool and laid back.

I peppered them with questions about where to go and what to do. “I like secluded beaches. No crowds. No bumping into people there. Where do I go for that?” I asked. They rattled down a few beach names and times to hit them at, and I made note of them in my phone.

I told them about a few hikes that I wanted to do and one of the girls, Jess got super excited and offered to go with me. Then tomorrow her and Jennica offered to take us to Makena Cove and Secret Beach, so I’m pumped about that! So yay, night one and I have at least two solid chick friends (outside of my sister) and both are great surfers (according to Alec). Which means I’ll be SO golden!

One of the guys works for a diving shop so we bonded over that and he offered to make sure I get some solid diving in, which is great since the Molokini Crater is on my Bucket list, and I should probably do it before Davide gets here… since he isn’t certified yet.

In my last post I wrote about how much I didn’t want to go to Maui, which I 100% acknowledge is a privileged thing to say. But now that I’m here and hanging out with Alec, I’m genuinely excited about it. It’s a big enough island, it’s not super small like Kauai where you run into everyone. I have a ton of things planned that I’m so pumped for. I know I’m going to have a blast.

On the way back to my car I asked Alec, “So do you work out still?”
“Yeah…” he replied.
“Wanna be my workout buddy? Only for a few sessions. Sometimes gym guys are weird and it helps to get the lay of the land if I go with a buddy first. If you’re not too busy.” I asked.
“Sure! Maybe you’ll help get me back into a routine. I’m off tomorrow.” he replied with a smile. And just like that… we set up a gym hangout. I’m telling ya, I’m super excited to get back into a routine!! Also did I mention that they have Lapperts here? I think it’s time to test out my theory that you can’t die from an Ice Cream overdose.

I can honestly say I really missed Alec. It was a great first night here. Great to see him again and just chill.

By the time I made it back home it was late and my sister was asleep. Davide was just getting his day started back in Italy. The 12hr time difference is hard, but we make it work. We FaceTimed and I propped him up against the pillow as I drifted off to sleep.

About Monica

Living in Newport Beach and Kauai. When I'm not cuddling my adorable dachshund puppy, surfing, or reading, you'll find me on here writing about my love life, loss, and everything in between.

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