This past week has been incredible.
Having Alec around has been so much fun. I forgot how much I genuinely loved our friendship. How easily we get along. The banter is effortless and he never takes my sarcasm personally. He joins me at the gym daily, he says he actually likes going with me- because I’m getting him back in the routine of working out and he usually meets up to do a sunset surfing session at the beach with me, if he’s not working. Tonight it’s his friend Amanda’s birthday, so we were all going to go hangout at Vibe, which should be fun.
I have this incredible Boss Babe friend, Jenna. We met a few years back as part of a mastermind we were both in and we just totally clicked. That was back before she became a semi internet famous millionaire (which I’m so incredibly proud of her for). Despite all of our emails and texts back and forth, we’ve really only hungout a few times in person, because we live in different states. Well come to find out, her and her husband are on the Maui right now too. Small world!!
Jenna and I met up for a Happy Hour session and caught up over some drinks. I don’t have a ton of people in my life that can really relate or comprehend the extent of what’s going on with my job. But she does, we both do… for each other. And just getting to open up and be completely real about it all…. felt so refreshing and energizing. She holds me to another level and I love the challenge of that.
We made plans to grab dinner also Jenna and her husband are going to join Davide and I when we go glamping in Olowalu. I am so genuinely excited. Jenna is one of my favorite most inspiring humans on the planet. I felt super thankful that we’re both here on this same island together. It kinda felt like fate.
I came to Maui to spend time with my sister Meghan*, and that’s what most of my days consist of. Just normal life of settling into her new place, making dinner, and hanging out together. Sometimes she joins Alec and I for a surf session.
The morning of July 4th, there was a knock on the door and I sleepily answered the door (in my underwear no less), to find that our favorite cousin T* had flown her family over from Kauai to hangout with us for the long weekend.
T got a room over at a nearby hotel called Andaz, which was this gorgeous resort. We went over and hungout with them at the pool. We couldn’t stop laughing and jumping on each other, squeezing each other with hugs. T and Meghan, they’re like my family unit. Like my closest family. My heart felt so damn full and completely at home.
We were all drunk off our asses by 10:30am, because tequila. We swam around and then I laid out in the warm sun drying off and started reading my book. With my recent vacation, I’ve been on a major roll and had been through 10 books in the past month.
4th of July and my new group of friends
We had an incredible Fourth of July. After spending all day lounging at the pool, then we all showered and went to this huge 4th of July BBQ Alec invited us to. We had a blast!
I’m kinda surprised how happy I am here, especially considering how much I was dreading coming here. But in less than a week I seem to already have this really solid friend group. Alec introduced me to Amanda and Jennica. We went on a hike earlier in the week. Which was incredible. Amanda’s a resort manager out here and is hilariously sassy just like me, and since she’s from South Carolina she’s really into country music and line dancing as well. Jennica is this badass surfer, and she fell in love with my dog Cliff. We’ve been meeting up most nights to chill or go surfing. It’s a lot of fun. They’re already trying to convince me to just stay here with my sister.
I woke up super early and went diving off the Molokini Crater, which was insaaaaane!!! I had SO much FUN!!! Gosh, it was just incredible. I saw so many cool fish and I love being in the ocean, there is nothing else like it. It was nice to tick that off my bucket list.
T’s husband has a lot of extended family on the island. So we ended up having dinner with them. I made a shit ton of Mexican food, which was a huge hit at the party. Then the next day, T, her husband, Meghan, and I decided to all hit the Road to Hana together. We had sooo much fun. Saw a few waterfalls, did the bamboo forest, and fell in love with red sand beach.
We ended up at Haleakalā for sunset…. and it was INSANE. Being at 10k ft just completely took my breath away. I had heard it was amazing… so it was pretty insane to see it in person. It almost felt like being on a completely different planet. I genuinely can’t wait until Davide gets here and we can go back up there together.
Things with Davide
Speaking of Davide, gosh I hate that he’s not here right now. The 12hr difference is pretty hard, but we’ve found a good routine of FaceTime calls, which at least has us feeling close until he gets here.
Things with us are really good. I’m just ready for him to not be half way across the world. And I’m worried that I’m just… uneasy because of it?
So back in Positano, before I left there was this one weird night that happened, and I keep replaying it in my head. I was hanging out with a few of Davide’s friends in Sorrento. Davide planned to meet up with us a few hours later after he was done with work. I went to the ladies room beforehand… and in there was a group of chicks and this one girl was making a big production of getting ready. It was unusual, because they were actually talking in English… which is rare around those parts. The main girl was talking about how she was going to bump into this guy who was a five-star fuck. I didn’t think anything about it… but they ended up being in our large group for the night. Since they spoke English, I talked with them for a bit- we drank together and they were cool.
When Davide showed up, he acted weird that I was sitting with them. After I went to go sit on Davide’s lap, the main girl was shooting me daggers with her eyes. It was weird, because we had been totally cool before Davide arrived.
On the drive home, I was tired and thinking about the night when Davide said, “You have that look on your face- like you want to ask me something. You can ask me anything, Monica.”
I was amazed- people didn’t usually read me that well. But then again, Davide was starting to get to know me better than anyone.
“That girl Serena, I overheard her in the bathroom about how she was going to see this guy tonight that once gave her a five-star fuck. Then the way you brushed her off tonight… and they were glaring at me… were you the the five-star fuck?”
He immediately looked sheepish.
“She was just a warm body, Monica. It meant nothing. It’s not like us. You changed everything for me.” He said, correctly reading the expression on my face and pulling me over to his side of the car to give me a quick kiss on my forehead.
I nodded, “I understand. I was just piecing it together, that’s all.” I did really understand. I wasn’t angry or jealous… I know he had a life before me, but… something about it all made me feel unsettled. I can’t put my finger on it.
If I’m being bluntly honest… something about that whole situation bugs me even now. I’m not surprised that Serena called him a five-star fuck. He is incredible in bed and we have so much fun together. Maybe I’m just overthinking it because we’re separated right now… it’s just… something feels off about it all and I don’t know why.
I know how he feels about me. I know that he’s my family. That he’ll never give up on me. Hell, he’s the one that wants to get married right away. I was the idiot who almost gave up on him because of Nate. Maybe this is just my own guilt and not like an actual thing? I don’t know. But when he called last night, the second I answered the phone- he could read it on my face.
“What’s going on babe?” he asked
I did a deep sigh, because I hated how my gut feeling was on this one, but I knew I needed to address it head on. “I’ve just got something on my mind and I need to talk it out, I think. I’m just not entirely sure how. So you’re going to need to be patient with me.”
He looked confused but nodded.
“Okay, so for some reason that night with Serena is stuck in my head. I can’t explain it, but I have this deep gut feeling on this one… and I just feel like something is off. This worries me, because I’d get the same gut feelings whenever my ex was lying to me about a girl. Which I’m not at all saying you’re doing, I don’t think you are… I’m just giving you context I guess. So I need to get some stuff off my chest, before you say anything. My gut feeling could very well be off, but this is me… giving you a chance to open up and tell me anything. No matter how bad it is. No judgement. If you’re open and honest with me, I promise to work on this together. BUT… on the other hand, if I find out later that you lied about any of this after I gave you this opportunity to be straight with me, I am going to end our relationship and not look back. I know that sounds extreme, but because of how I’ve been lied to in the past… that’s how I work. I don’t want to be lied to about anything. I know I screwed up recently with the Nate stuff, so trust me when I say I’d be coming from a place of no judgement.”
He shook his head. “I hate that this is bothering you, but everything that happened with her was in the past. I don’t have anything new to tell you.”
I took a deep breath and nodded, “Okay, I’m sorry. I know I’m being weird, I’ll let it go. I just needed to be straight with you about this gut feeling.”
“I love you so much baby and miss your warm body. I wish I was there.” he said. I smiled softly, but the nagging feeling was still there. In the back of my mind, I cursed my ex Josh for putting me through years of bullshit. And hell… my old self for staying through it. Now it’s like my bullshit radar is broken.
*I decided that moving forward, I'm going to change their real names on here... to help protect their online privacy.